I know this is too embarrassing to be revealed but I'll do it somehow. he. This morning, I was called by my immediate boss to her room for a pep talk, she opened up to me and she said she had somehow observed me and said that I looked sad and unfocus. I unhesitantly nod to every word she uttered. I admitted to her I am not able to focus 100% towards my work for the fact that my heart is not here. She said she could feel me as she is a mother and a wife and during her early years in the service she was also pregnant but she was not departed from her husband, so my case is rather worse.
My boss is a very empathic and nice lady, so she did advised me not to feel too stress as it can affect my baby as I am still in the early stage of my pregnancy. She even said only come to her for work if I am ready and calm enough. It seems light to others but it's worth the end of the world for me. My sister, my friends and even my superiors are super duper nice and they have treated me wonderfully. It's just me who just can't digest the reality just yet. I really miss my husband, I miss his company, now that he just commenced his work, I felt very departed.
I did a little reflection on what are the factors of my endless grieve, and it appears to me that I want to be near to my husband, he is where my home is, I need not to relocate but as long as he is by my side, it'd be heavenly. No matter how people tell me that they are so in my shoes, I APPRECIATE it, but it's always harder on the bearer. I hope this turmoil will cease soon so I can carry my child happily and be a fair mother to him/her.
Ameeeen...
Perhaps this can cheer me up for the time being? :P
22 chemistry(s):
hi aida!
first and foremost, congrats! baru baca ur blog (i kat uk now) and baru tau that u dah pregnant =) so, how about it? best kan...hm hm..yep, i totally understand u, me too, i can't imagine living without my husband beside me. call me belangkas pun i tak kisah..so, i really understand ur situation aida...but dont be stress up, fly fly to him if you have time.. cheers always, for the sake of your sweet pea =)
hi, envy u for being near ur hubby at such wonderful place plus ur son!! how llucky3! mmg lain rs jauh dr husband kan.huhuhu
mcm belangkas la best kan, melekat je! huhuh '
i hope i can relocate soon. thanks ernie!
hye aida..our situation is almost the same..but the different is,kmk lom preggy gk..tp my husband kt kch,kmk kt pjaya.fhm glk kmk pa ktk rs..anyhow,i hope u can be much much stronger..jg drik n baby bait2 k..u r so sweet..
-nad-
Sabar ya aida! faham sgt situasi aida...awal2 dtg KL dulu, jihan pun slalu nangis sbb duk jauh dr suami..lagi sedih bila tinggalkan anak kecil yg masih merangkak dn blom reti melangkah. tiap2 mlm peluk bantal teringat kat anak.
Tapi suami selalu pesan, kena terima rezeki Allah dgn redha sbb dulu jihan sdri terhegeh2 cari kerja..apalah sgt berpisah sekejap dgn suami & anak katanya, jika nak dibandingkan dgn kwn baik jihan (yg baru kematian suami pd usia 26 tahun dan punya 2 anak kecil) Ujian dia lebih hebat dr kita! Kuatkan hati bila duk di perantauan ni ok. At least ur siblings ada dgn you.:)
Ada hikmah setiap apa yg Dia aturkan tu. Biasalah mood, emosi ibu mengandung, mmg agak sensitif.
^__^
Dearest aida,
Do stay strong.. i know it's really hard being away from hubby especially for newlyweds but your are such a sweet and nice person and i know that there will be a rainbow for you and family after the rainy days.. cheer up love..
naida
nad:u kat ministry mana? its very2 hard for me here, salute u
Jihan: sgt salute kat jihan, rindu anak mesti rasa lebih lagi kann..kuatnya jihan, harp2 aida setabah jihan...
naida: tq for the warm words, where r u now darl?
aida,kmk kt MOE..education kt presint 1..
really hard 4 me for the first time,but now,it seems like i used to this situation eventhough ada time nya kmk nangis2 jak everytime call my hubyy..wlpun kmk dh almost 1 year kawen..still gk congek..tp hubby salu pesan be stronger n sntiasa la ingat Allah..tok rezeki buat ms tok utk rezeki yg lbh bgs gk lps tok..insyallah..n kmk doakan ktk slalu kuat k..
btw,ktk kt ministry ney owh??
-nad-
i understand dood. even x pernah merasa, tp time 1st trim riya sy ada imagine urg jaoh ngn hasben time pregnant. yalah kita mual, ya lah kita mok ada nya sentiasa ngga perkembangan baby kita.. ng perlu hasben ngn kita time2 gya. mun dah start muntah lk lagik laaa sedey mun xda hasben d sebelah nk ngurut2 blakang.
stay strong for time being. apa pun ur decision, after all, kdudukan isteri nang spttnya d sisi suami nk? insya allah rezeki ada d mna2.
aifa: FINALLY, someone is with me! YES isteri nang sepatutnya di sisi suami, call me conventional but for me PJJ marriage is ridiculous and a big BS. anyways, abu ng nyuroh saya quit, but the horror of being unemployed and menghabiskan beras umah mak mentua still haunting me. u know when u are not earning you'll feel so helpless ? so that's why am still holding on now until there's a confirmation of my relocation appeal. Sy sikmok yg dikejar x dpt yg dikendong berciciran. YA YOU ARE SO TRUE i pity myself for going through this as for the past 26 years am always dreaming of having a normal, classic family life with my husband around.
oh u r my idol!Like i said easier said than borne.
TQ eppa!
Yap..Isteri/suami mana la yang nak berjauhan dgn spouse dia kan? lagi2 la kalo si isteri tgh mengandung.. bykkan berdoa spy permohonan pindah dicepatkan ya.
Jihan kalo tak dpt tukar kk by end next year,i'll quit. cari keja di kk plak. syaakirah pun kesian duk main sorang2,dia pun kawan nanti.hehe ;D
sorry syg,insyaallah we'll get through this,theres always a way...take care of our baby,i love u soo much! i miss u tooo..... ;(
sad to read ur entry lately,i really can feel how depressed u r,stay a bit longer,When life gives you rain, God gives you rainbow! INSYAALLAH
jihan:mmg kan, aida pun hari2 rs nak quit,huhu apa guna duit klu sedih je rasa hati
b: i love u more, i wanna b with u... doakan bby dan bby k, i miss u syg!
hi aida,
we are in the same boat and ive been through this for almost 3years n a half already.. plz B strong n stay positive.. i know u can do it and as u said 'it's always harder on the bearer', i second you! nobody could understand our pain of being away from hubby especially when u are not in the same continent... anyhow,congratulations on ur pregnancy (How far along are you?)
aida, sy pun tgh lalui apa yg aida lalui skrg..tp bezany en.suami xbg sy berhenti, sy skrg di bau swk, en.suami di arau perlis, mak mertua pun marah bila sy pujuk suami izinkan berenti, katanya susah nak masuk gov service..tp jujur ckp sy x peduli pun..rezeki ada di mana..dhla sy ada masalah dgn kandungan skrg..klu sy jd aida, mmg sy berhenti..ye la dh ada sokongan suami..
hye aida..love to read ur blog.
i x sgka ramai yg brada d situasi i..tiap hari i rs nk benti keje gov ni bile memikirkan i jaoh dr hubby..bla bc ur entry n komen2 dr kwn2 u,sgt x sgka situasi kte sm..hhmm..sememang nya jaoh dr suami merupakan pkrs yg x pnh d jgka n i mmg x sggup.tgh cube brtahan tp x tau smpai bile n ill quit kalo xdpt jgk transfer...
btw,take care of ur baby ye aida..u r so sweet n mudhn kt sm2 berthn..
Aida,
Tabahkan hati k...
Hidup u dah perfect kalau dibandingkan dengan ramai orang.
Jadi Allah uji sedikit je ni sebab Dia sayangkan Aida.
Allah takkan uji di luar kemampuan kita.
Stay strong ya...Jaga diri dan amanah dalam rahim tu sebaik mungkin.
Bila tiba masa yang sesuai, Allah akan satukan juga kamu suami isteri.
-silent reader-
hi all, s xangke we are in the same boat, i will bertahan sampai mana saya bertahan, i hv to know my priority, family it is, klu earning tp sedih2 tak guna jgk.. rezeki ada di mana2, jgn terlalu bergantung kepada sesuatu benda...
hi akak..just want to share 1 ayat Al-quran ni..
“(Kamu diberitahu tentang itu) supaya kamu tidak bersedih hati akan apa yang telah luput daripada kamu, dan tidak pula terlalu gembira (secara sombong dan bangga) dengan apa yang diberikan kepada kamu. (Ingatlah) Allah tidak suka kepada setiap orang yang sombong lagi membanggakan diri.”
(Al-Hadid : 23)
kalau dlm bidang perubatan Psychology nya..situasi ini digelar Euthymic mood.
‘Mood’ manusia yang seharusnya dalam keadaan Euthymic; tidak terlalu sedih (dysthmia) dan tidak terlalu gembira (euphoria) adalah dikira normal secara Psikologinya. Terlalu sedih atau terlalu gembira nantinya akan menghasilkan penyakit berkaitan ketidakseimbangan ‘mood’, seperti Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) dan Bipolar (I) Disorder.
***
saya tak berada di tempat akak.tp i try to understand how you feel.I hope ayat ni dapat menenangkan akak sikit-sikit.hehe.have a nice day akak! :)
hold on there Pinky! i've been in your shoes, but worse. Lemme share with you mine : I am a teacher. posted in rural area of Sarawak, living in a quarters that I can call "Rumah Bersamamu TV3", with minimum facilities, no clean water supply and lazy housemate. Being quite an OCD myself, I was hyperactive during my pregnancy. Cleaning the house after coming back from work, cooking and carrying water gallons to get clean water for bathing purpose. Stress enough right! Hubby is in Kuching and mom n dad were in KK for a long holiday. And in my 4th pregnancy, we 'lost' our lil bun :'(
So pls take care of yourself then, cheer yourself up, even if it mean to fake it, but for the sake of your baby k. And dun forget to recite surah al-Insyirah often during n after your prayer. InshaAllah, segala kesempitan akan dilapangkan :)) worry not, Allah akan owes tolong kita, yang jauh dari suaminya. Amiiiin.. Cheer up okay :))
im ur silent reader, luv 2 read ur blog, tapi bila bercerita tentang topik ini, saya nak kongsi pengalaman saya, sebelum dpt berkhidmat dgn kerajaan,sy pernah bekerja secara kontrak dimana gaji dibayar mengikut jam dan jumlah hari bekerja sehingga istilah cuti & public holiday pun xada dlm kamus bekerja, namun setelah mendapat kerja dengan gov.rasa syukur sgt2 tapi masalahnya dpt pulak posting berjauhan dgn keluarga, istilah 'berhenti kerja' mmg tak wujud sb dah rasa perit kerja sambilan@kontrak tapi sy ambil alternatif lain, terus mengisi apa2 pekerjaan dibwh gov dlm pelbagai jawatan & jabatan, alhamdulillah setelah 2 tahun sy berjaya kembali disisi keluarga dan kini dikurniakan seorang cahaya mata.walaupun dlm jawatan/jabatan&kementerian yg berlainan dan terpaksa memulakan penyesuaian corak kerja yg berlainan drpd kerja sebelumnya, namun berbaloi kerana 'pelepasan jawatan dengan izin' menyebabkan kt dpt menyambung perkhidmatan dan tangga gaji yg terdahulu, sebaliknya 'berhenti kerja', sudahlah perlu membayar denda 3 bulan notis dan sukar utk mendapat pelantikan semula kerja dibwh gov. memupuk rasa syg dgn pekerjaan yg baru mudah apabila berada disisi keluarga tersayang....tapi kalau awk nak berhenti juga cubalah bidang perniagaan, sy pasti anda boleh berjaya dlm bidang perniagaan.kan sekarang byk suri yg menjalankan perniagaan secara online.
tq semuaa... i appreciate ur comments, semua pjg, tq2
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